It can be very difficult to watch as a loved one slowly loses their mental capacity. These changes can make caring for them more challenging, and it is important to find the right balance of care. Here is how you can handle the situation better:
Get an early start
If your parents are still somewhat cognitive, it’s best to start by planning before the situation gets worse
- Talk with Parents and get a list of their accounts and financial obligations
- Make a payment calendar for bills
- Make sure medicines are correct and there is a system for taking them.
- Keep an eye on credit scores to make sure no unusual activities are taking place.
- Watch out for scams, as those in mental decline are often preyed upon the most.
- Add yourself or a sibling to accounts, so you can help with bill pays or watch for unusual activity
- Meet with siblings and others loved ones to decide a plan of action when the time comes for caregiving responsibilities.
When to worry
It’s normal to be a little forgetful, but if your parent is forgetting how to do normal life tasks, things can get dangerous fast. Some concerning signs of decline are:
- Forgetting medications
- Trouble driving
- Not caring for themselves – lack of personal hygiene, not cooking or feeding themselves
- Depression or irritation, loss of interest
- Not paying bills, or making unwise spending decisions
- Not remembering how to use the phone, which can be detrimental when help is needed.
Get Help
The situation will be intense, and you may not be fully equipped to deal with the many challenges.
- Start by contacting your parent’s doctor. Let them know what is going on and listen to their suggestions.
- Keep all siblings and family members informed of the problems and let them offer their support to you and your parent.
- Inform your parents’ trusted neighbors and make sure they have a number to reach you or your siblings in case of unusual or dangerous behavior
- Notify the Adult Protection Service office in your area. When a tip is called in, an APS caseworker will investigate and depending on their findings will often petition a court for guardianship.
- Write a petition to your county’s Superior Court clerk requesting guardianship. Be sure to have evidence that your parent cannot live independently.
Long-Term Care
When parents start to decline, there comes a time when they can no longer live independently. There are some things to consider when you are looking at long-term care for your aging loved one.
- Talk to siblings and loved ones and decide who will legally become the guardian of the parent. This person should be able to make financial and medical decisions for the parent when they become unable to do so.
- Discuss care taking schedules with family members and decide who will be able to watch over the parent and when. Try to make things fair, so one person doesn’t become burned out.
- Decide how to fairly pay for caregiving services. The cost of care taking can often come out of the estate, or siblings can split the cost equally. Some siblings may decide to take their turn caregiving instead of paying someone.
- Consider assisted living and nursing home care facilities. Often, state-run nursing homes take over all of a patient’s assets to pay for long-term care; that should be considered when making the decision.
Self-Care
Taking care of a loved one can take a toll on your mental and physical health. Be sure to:
- Let people help you. Ask for help and accept it when it’s offered.
- Get support from friends, family, or a therapist
- Be sure to take care of your physical health—eat right, get exercise, and get plenty of sleep
- Protect your back. Often caregiving can involve lifting and your back can easily be injured.
It is hard to see our loved one’s decline but having a plan of action can help ease the tension and uncertainty of what to do when your parent mentally starts to decline.
