Aging is challenging—for both the elderly and the people who love them. As people get older, they may worry about money, being alone, or not having enough privacy. This can make it hard for their caretakers to talk to them honestly or in a way that helps them understand.

But as our elderly loved ones enter their golden years, it’s important to continue both the emotional closeness we value so much and insight into how they’re feeling about their lives and needs.

Still, relationships aren’t a one-way street. If your loved one seems less willing to talk, how can you get them to open up?

Opening Up

Elderly people are at a vulnerable phase of their lives—they’re losing independence, they’re losing health, and they’re losing social networks. This causes stress; it also causes isolation. Why? Younger people can’t really understand how hard the situation is because they haven’t been through it yet.

This obvious rift can be a reason an elderly person shuts down. To earn trust, try to empathize with their experiences. Instead of just being frustrated with the situation, try to imagine yourselves in their shoes. How would you feel? What would be challenging for you? What would hurt? What would help?

One thing that most elderly people still value is a sense of their independence—which means they’d rather be part of the decision-making process in their lives, instead of you deciding for them.

Forming Trust

By having discussions instead of passing down mandates and inviting others to join, you show your parents that their life is still their life and you want to help them live it.

This restores respect to your loved one and gives them power and control at a critical time. You won’t always agree, but even in disagreement, there’s a chance to better understand one another and to see if they can find a compromise.

When compromise can’t be found, return to your shared values: What do you value? What does your loved one value? How can you help them have the life they want to have?

Thinking Ahead

One of the best ways to avoid tough conversations once you reach a crisis point is to have conversations about big things like end-of-life care well before that point arrives. Putting together a plan for a loved one as a family can help ease worries in many ways.

Financially, emotionally, and socially, your loved one benefits from not feeling uncertainty about their future. While it’s unpleasant to discuss death or terminal care when the person you love is still well, it’s necessary to make sure that you have their input. Learning what your loved one values and wants while they’re still healthy enough to tell you with clarity is such an important part of making sure their wishes can be honored.

What About You?

Even though we’ve talked a lot about how to comfort and help an elderly loved one, you can and should acknowledge your own fears and sadness.

By being honest with your loved one about your feelings, you remind them of what matters most: that this is a two-way relationship filled with care and respect. It matters more than words can say.

The Shift: The Journey From Retirement to Elderhood

Many Americans dream of retirement—the “golden years” where they and their loved ones will be able to spend time together. The idea that retirement is a joyful time of relaxation and enjoying the rewards of a life’s hard work is part of our cultural fabric. Something less frequently discussed, however, is the transition from the “golden years” to old age.

What happens when the happiness of leaving the 9-5 behind turns into anxieties about the future? Unlike the happy vision of retirement as a social and restful time, old age can be frightening and lonely. Advanced Health Care wants to raise this issue and look more deeply at the experiences of elderly Americans.

Retirement: The Secret Anxieties of the Golden Years

For many, retirement evokes questions about financial security.

Did I work enough? Will I have enough money?

A fear of what will happen when a person “turns off their paychecks” and removes themselves from bringing in new income permeates what should be a happy time. Of similar anxiety is the loss and even grief felt by those who are leaving a career behind.

Who am I now that I don’t work? What do I contribute?

Even hobbies or favorite past times from a person’s younger years may not alleviate these anxieties, as bodies change or fail as they age. All this loss and uncertainty mixed together paints a very different picture of elderhood.

Loneliness in Old Age

As mentioned earlier, a significant component of what makes aging frightening is the loneliness that often accompanies it. As partners or friends pass away, the elderly are left with an increasing number of social resources or places of support.

As children or caregivers step in, the elderly may feel they’ve lost their dignity and their privacy, priming them for mental health issues as well. Depression and isolation from aging can even result in drug use or addiction. The elderly may suffer in silence, as well, with nobody close to them to realize they’re in pain.

What Can Be Done?

The best way to head into retirement with less anxiety is to simply prepare for it.

Start by managing your finances.

Do you have a will? A power of attorney? Do you have plans for your property or your long-term care? Get clear on your money sources and your expenditures, and share them with someone you trust. Having a plan for your finances will ease stress during crises or upheaval, and you’ll be glad to have answers to “What’s next?” during those moments.

Make their time worthwhile.

Once your finances are settled, think about what brings you joy—and who brings you joy. How can you find ways to engage in the hobbies you love as you age? How can you find ways to connect with loved ones or even expand your social circle now that you’re retired? By making new friends with similar hobbies, you’ll expand your network of people who care about you. That expanded network will be a resource for you during times of loss or sadness.

Planning ahead for retirement can seem scary, or can make the “golden years” seem fraught with anxieties. However, if you make sure you’ve taken the steps you can take to ensure your safety and support, the golden years can shine bright as ever!